v tiring semester

it has been a really tiring semester. and at times i do think: why am i torturing myself like this?

to start it off, i am taking 7 modules this sem. i have known that its gonna be tough, and i had also said b4 that actually its still all right becos the difficulty was somehow still considered manageable. after all, its not by the number of modules/ number of MCs, but largely by the CN module code haha. well through 10 weeks alr, i think it wasnt THAT tough. but i had to spend substantial amounts of time on each module, that is abt 5 modules plus half a lab report per week, plus one tutorial prep once in a while for EG. i had not put too much time into EG and lab, ok i had not put in too much effort for in depth understanding of every mod actually. but its still mentally draining to be at work mode, 24/7.

but that said, other than EG, at least i feel that im not badly lagging in any single module too badly this time round. i agar agar know most of the things, and 2116 is mostly too tough to comprehend completely lol. so im still hopeful it will all be all right!

a few more deadlines these two weeks for 2 projects and 1 ppt and 2 tests mainly. and UCL coming up as well LOL. gotta tahan more tiring weeks and nights ba.

also been occupied at times by SEP stuffs. glad that its mostly settled for the time being. as for VIP, still no news yet! argh. i guess i shld start applying elsewhr too soon!? if not gonna be hard to find right. zzz. but a bit lazy and sian and difficult man. i hope they just offer me the place la LOL.

work aside, i also had to cope with some other matters that made me rather emo at times. got me thinking abt much stuff and thats energy sapping as well. but im glad for im taking 7 modules and this commitment kept me on track and not too far away. if not im sure i would have wandered off further than i had. im living pretty well with it, although i realised that my views and thoughts might have changed a bit.

i notice that i have lost the courage to believe in others. no offense to any of my good frens. but its really true. i had used to believe in my own judgement of someone else. i used to believe what ppl say to be the truth. relative to my friends, i know all along im considered rather naive, or optimistic. i give ppl the benefit of doubt. but after all the things happening. i have my reservations. maybe im just wrong abt what i think. when u thought u had known all abt this person all the time, and u thought that thr was a connection btwn u two, then suddenly u realise you do not know who this person is at all. all u had thought, isnt true. and u nv knew what was on that person's mind. and what was the truth. believe me, u will start to lose faith in believing in urself again. or the courage to believe that they actually care abt u.

that said, if u read this entry, i guess you would be feeling a bit sad or thinking that im gonna be EMO TTM. hahaha but im fine. just thoughts that had been on my mind for a long long time, just that i only decided to pen it down today. and its random whining and typing out any words that come to mind, so it isnt as coherent and probably not 100% accurately delivered. but bottomline: im doing good (:

so, a tiring semester, and one more difficult month ahead! looking fwd to the final challenge of the semester: the exams.