As i mentioned on my fb status, the amazing race always manages to touch me a little here and there. esp the last ep when u are THE FIRST TEAM and you run in and the whole world is cheering for you (or for the camera) haha. i guess its just the feeling or victory, over others, over self, and more importantly the idea of travelling around the world and putting in ur best, tgt with one of the most impt ppl in ur life. awesome eh? haha.
(SPOILER ALERT)
in the end it was really qt sad for the most consistent team JT to lose it. so sucky its pure luck lor. that they got such a cui cab driver. i havent liked them much all along becos they are really damn competitive and v focused. but as i have also thought previously, you cant blame them. yes its a tv show but these are all just ordinary folks in the states and they are there to win ONE MILLION BUCKS, not there to act in a movie to entertain us haha. but then again of cos if u have personalitites as interesting as BC, then its a diff story.
in the end the team i used to support, NK, won! yay i was kind rooting for them in this last leg. actually, all the hard work put in to bring u to the last leg stops thr, and its really the last leg thats crucial. be the first team at the first item and u have a really good chance unless u screw up.
end of the season, see if next seasons watchable. haha. it gave me good breaks in btwn this sem too. and during exams. just din like how they made food disgusting and probably spoilt hk's awesome food's reputation a bit.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
regrets of my life
a few regrets of my life.
a handful in army.
quite a number of people-handling situations.
and particularly one particular friend.
thinking. remembering. regretting.
a handful in army.
quite a number of people-handling situations.
and particularly one particular friend.
thinking. remembering. regretting.
i feel human again!
it all started out with a simple chat with ben, then with yj as well. perhaps i had been too robotic. a mugging machine all these while. that i've lost the human touch. i haven felt so real, so human in a long long while. esp since probably this sem?
tonight i was about to sleep just a few minutes past 12 mn, then i lied down on my bed, thinking about stuff. much stuff. many stuff. i couldnt fall asleep. probably cos i have had late nights previously, but more so becos of the thoughts and conversations that i had tonight. in contrast with discussions about energy equations and margules and ATGCCCTAA, this had to be the most human night of recent years. of cos im exaggerating. but months.
so as i was lying on my bed, i knew, at the back of my mind, that i would wake up eventually and end up here. perhaps at that point the decision was alr made, but watever. too many things were going through my mind. tonight, i felt i had to pen it down, cos i guess i will lose myself very soon again. blog i had to. this place which had been left breeding mozzies for the past month. yes, there were no entries at all in november.
i had always used my blog most willingly to convey my feelings. my thoughts. these human ideas running in my mind in the nights/or days. esp a few years ago, when my emotions were - as often described by me myself - roller coaster like.
as a human, i LOVE to feel human. thats why im here tonight. once again im beating abt the bush. or rather, im typing down whatever comes to my mind now. there were a few issues that i had thought about tonight. before that, in my real life chats with ben, and also yj, there were also a few points that i wanted to address, and maybe rediscover.
yes, im "emo" again. not emo emo until emo one corner, but i feel human again. guess what, u will not stop reading the word human. it WILL pop up again and again in this post. so maybe i should go to the point. the point is this was one of the nights when i just know i had to take a trip down memory lane, and to think about my life, what i am, what i want to be. human thoughts once again.
so i got myself up, on-ed my laptop, typed this text. typing i mean. since i was feeling kinda emo, i opened up my box. one of my boxes.
yes. these boxes are what i use to store things. gifts from ppl, letters, some personal and probably secretive stuff i meant to kept. for a rainy day? nope, for an emo night like this one. and indeed, just as i lifted the lid off the tin, i had the feeling. nostalgia? not that strong. im not sure how i should label it, probably a mix of emotions and reminiscence. however u spell that. haha.
in this particular tin, most of the stuff were jc stuff. i had just read a couple of short messages from councillors i received then. i read them and i felt close again. these ppl whom i had such strong bonding with, and now its like all gone. memories, never erased though. the best days of my life, most enriching. (maybe that will change after i have a child on my own haha). the common thing is that they tell me, to stay the way i am. lame. cheerful. always full of crap hahaha. that is, who i am. i live by this rule. im happy when YOU are happy. i feel that its my duty to keep ppl ard me, who matters, happy. and entertained. i love smiles. i love the way ppl look at u and laugh. but now i think, have i done so? perhaps the underlying principle and guiding values have not changed, but i do realise that i am not perceived in this way now. the so-called-gummieness. haha as some term it, had not been around so strongly. i felt a little guilty. why? have i changed? am i still the gum i used to be? i dunno. i think i am changed, but i hope i can instill the sense of gummieness into myself, and influence ppl ard me again. i hope. not easy, but i hope.
ok im still very lame. hahha. even lamer. and more bhb now. lol.
i had a note book. a tiny one that i kept with me on my trip to hk. haha that was four years ago! and it was pretty funny. i listed out all the meals i had then. every day. all the expenses. hahaha.
and some pieces of notes i wrote to someone during one council event. oh man its totally er xin now that i read it hahahhahaha. but thats who i am! who i was rather. its really truly qt disgusting haha not in a R rated way of cos. just kinda, childish? mushy? i dunno. and i kept those with me. luckily. luckily.
and now i have in front of me, my diary. haha. yes i kept a diary. i should keep one, and continue keeping one, but im too inhuman to do so now. and too lazy. too san fen zong re du. now lemme go and read some of it first. haha there werent many entries, but im sure they will revoke some strong emotions in me...
~
im still readin my diary. not many entries. and very funny. haha so things i wrote were qt mmhmm as well ahhaha. and many things i forget le! omggg. and also reminded me of many things. hmm orange smiley? i cant recall that!
haha okay im still reading, and im pretty shag now alr. its 230am! haha wrote less i expected. maybe if i feel human soon i will continue more here. but for now, i guess this is it and i shall finish reading and then go and rest alr.
the whole bunch of entries were all abt _____ and _____ actually.
thoughts, ideas, memories, human.
tonight i was about to sleep just a few minutes past 12 mn, then i lied down on my bed, thinking about stuff. much stuff. many stuff. i couldnt fall asleep. probably cos i have had late nights previously, but more so becos of the thoughts and conversations that i had tonight. in contrast with discussions about energy equations and margules and ATGCCCTAA, this had to be the most human night of recent years. of cos im exaggerating. but months.
so as i was lying on my bed, i knew, at the back of my mind, that i would wake up eventually and end up here. perhaps at that point the decision was alr made, but watever. too many things were going through my mind. tonight, i felt i had to pen it down, cos i guess i will lose myself very soon again. blog i had to. this place which had been left breeding mozzies for the past month. yes, there were no entries at all in november.
i had always used my blog most willingly to convey my feelings. my thoughts. these human ideas running in my mind in the nights/or days. esp a few years ago, when my emotions were - as often described by me myself - roller coaster like.
as a human, i LOVE to feel human. thats why im here tonight. once again im beating abt the bush. or rather, im typing down whatever comes to my mind now. there were a few issues that i had thought about tonight. before that, in my real life chats with ben, and also yj, there were also a few points that i wanted to address, and maybe rediscover.
yes, im "emo" again. not emo emo until emo one corner, but i feel human again. guess what, u will not stop reading the word human. it WILL pop up again and again in this post. so maybe i should go to the point. the point is this was one of the nights when i just know i had to take a trip down memory lane, and to think about my life, what i am, what i want to be. human thoughts once again.
so i got myself up, on-ed my laptop, typed this text. typing i mean. since i was feeling kinda emo, i opened up my box. one of my boxes.
yes. these boxes are what i use to store things. gifts from ppl, letters, some personal and probably secretive stuff i meant to kept. for a rainy day? nope, for an emo night like this one. and indeed, just as i lifted the lid off the tin, i had the feeling. nostalgia? not that strong. im not sure how i should label it, probably a mix of emotions and reminiscence. however u spell that. haha.
in this particular tin, most of the stuff were jc stuff. i had just read a couple of short messages from councillors i received then. i read them and i felt close again. these ppl whom i had such strong bonding with, and now its like all gone. memories, never erased though. the best days of my life, most enriching. (maybe that will change after i have a child on my own haha). the common thing is that they tell me, to stay the way i am. lame. cheerful. always full of crap hahaha. that is, who i am. i live by this rule. im happy when YOU are happy. i feel that its my duty to keep ppl ard me, who matters, happy. and entertained. i love smiles. i love the way ppl look at u and laugh. but now i think, have i done so? perhaps the underlying principle and guiding values have not changed, but i do realise that i am not perceived in this way now. the so-called-gummieness. haha as some term it, had not been around so strongly. i felt a little guilty. why? have i changed? am i still the gum i used to be? i dunno. i think i am changed, but i hope i can instill the sense of gummieness into myself, and influence ppl ard me again. i hope. not easy, but i hope.
ok im still very lame. hahha. even lamer. and more bhb now. lol.
i had a note book. a tiny one that i kept with me on my trip to hk. haha that was four years ago! and it was pretty funny. i listed out all the meals i had then. every day. all the expenses. hahaha.
and some pieces of notes i wrote to someone during one council event. oh man its totally er xin now that i read it hahahhahaha. but thats who i am! who i was rather. its really truly qt disgusting haha not in a R rated way of cos. just kinda, childish? mushy? i dunno. and i kept those with me. luckily. luckily.
and now i have in front of me, my diary. haha. yes i kept a diary. i should keep one, and continue keeping one, but im too inhuman to do so now. and too lazy. too san fen zong re du. now lemme go and read some of it first. haha there werent many entries, but im sure they will revoke some strong emotions in me...
~
im still readin my diary. not many entries. and very funny. haha so things i wrote were qt mmhmm as well ahhaha. and many things i forget le! omggg. and also reminded me of many things. hmm orange smiley? i cant recall that!
haha okay im still reading, and im pretty shag now alr. its 230am! haha wrote less i expected. maybe if i feel human soon i will continue more here. but for now, i guess this is it and i shall finish reading and then go and rest alr.
the whole bunch of entries were all abt _____ and _____ actually.
thoughts, ideas, memories, human.
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