Sunday, January 16, 2011

its great to feel appreciated.

it had always been my belief that its great to feel appreciated, and thus i like to tell ppl how i appreciate them. but sometimes its not easy, not everyone u can look at them and tell them such stuff, or even mention something remotely close to gratitude/admiration.

and now that i have a much higher frequency of being sarcastic/ despising in a jk manner, i think i have further drifted away from who i once was. i feel comfortable jk ard in such a manner and putting ppl down, expecting them to know that i dun mean it and im just jk. most ppl believe that if u dont curse and scold each other u cant be good friends eh? hahaha.

the thing is, i dun say it doesnt mean i dun think that way. just like i dun ask doesnt mean i dun care. somewhr in the back of my mind i still wanna be the person who is straightfwd and say and do what i truly mean only, but i guess its almost impossible to attain that. my behaviour has changed. its just me now.

but once in a while, i must rmbr to tell ppl stuff i truly feel. and if u have something to tell me, do so. cos u are not a mind-reader, just like im not.

i wanna feel appreciated too (:

this links back to the prev entry too. abt connections. reciprocating verbally/physically might be the way to prove that they are real and two-way. shld be.

Friday, January 14, 2011

connection

previously, some time ago, i had been thinking abt this issue.

Do connections lie?

when u feel a connection with someone when u look them in the eye. can that be false? can it be wrong?

when u can sense the person reciprocating through that eye contact. can it be a misread?

i hope not. connections are supposed to be a two way thing, a double arrow.

the best thing in life.

united winning the EPL + League Cup + FA Cup + Champions League - I would go crazy and laugh till im mad.

getting CAP 5.0 this sem with 7 modules - I would be so happy I would cry. and treat everyone.

watching a ulti funny episode of Big Bang Theory - I would laugh non-stop beyond that 20 minutes, even the next day when i think abt it again.

but seriously, the best thing in life, as i reaffirmed my belief, is to have ppl ard you.

not just anyone. but ppl who u feel happy with, ppl who u meet defenseless. they are perhaps the most impt ppl in your life! when u can meet them without having an invisible wall separating u guys. without having to think what u gonna talk about. when u can talk to them about not anything, but every topic of no substance and content at all.

that, is the best thing in my life.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

直到你不找我

a very good semi-emo song to a good drama. nice voice, i really think his singing > acting.

will it be okay?

i got a feeling this blog is gonna be more active now that sch has started, and that i have 7 modules and bound to feel stresssed ttm and emo at some pt of time. haha.

today erm some cxw has been going on. haha credits to the cxw-ers their skills are pretty good i have to admit. but one thing more impt is that it got me thinking. not abt the cxw thingy but actually that if something like this happens, will i be able to go through it?

will it be weird, will i put the past all behind me? hmm. i have to think abt this i guess. at this stage it is going to feel a bit weird/awkward but i have to move on completely sooner or later. just this link. i ponder. haha interesting to consider such cases. altho not a big deal, but these things do matter to me.

and in anticipation of these cxw-ers who might read my blog, NO THIS IS NOT THAT U ARE THINKING ABT. its something else. a more relevant and real issue.

Monday, January 10, 2011

crazy?

haha i think i might have gone crazy here. taking 7 modules, 25 mcs this sem! i seriously dunno if i can make it, feels like uber tough and stressed sia. if i am gonna make it, i think i have to make like twice the effort of a normal semester. haha.

i hope i survive! this might be the experience i need lol. the torture, mental and physical. the test of will and positivity. will i make it?

there is still time to drop hmmm. but its like now or never. and better to suffer with someone else than to do it alone.

i like the feeling of this challenge, i just am not confident i will stay as positive throughout, its gonna be a long long dark semester..

Saturday, January 8, 2011

i feel a little down,

that school is starting, two days time.

i start to revisit some feelings, emotions.

i feel lonely, alone i am. i yearn for company, i like to be amongst others. to be part of them. for them to be part of me. sometimes i feel nobody cares for me. that im on my own. im like a child, a lost teen. i wish for attention, to be liked, to be popular, somewhat.

but later on, i start to dislike the energy and crowd. i want to be alone. peaceful. i see the bad the evil the disagreements the differences. and i prefer to be on my own.

it goes on and on and on..