THE list.

yeah lets get this place back updated frequently!

(if you are affected by academic stuff do not read further)

i went to take a look at THE LIST just now haha. and i think again of how im not on it. well, i always wanted to be on it for like just once, u know, like lemme feel shiok for a while haha. but then its like too distant away from me, and there are so many strong ppl out thr who are not on it as well. super tough eh. hahaha.

anw, it gets me thinking sometimes. well i know im not that smart. sometimes i dunno how i do well in exams, becos i always dun understd so many things. do i deserve the good grades? haha if u ask me of cos i say yes la lol. dun take me wrong by any means, just being honest here, no offence intended.

maybe i underestimate myself? maybe im just exam smart. oh wells, not worth debating here becos we shall just let the system sort us out. but it keeps me alert and forces me to do one thing i do not really like - reflect.

then i think, those ppl on the list, are they really like damn smart ppl? or are they super hardworking. can i do as well if i force myself to do much more work for eg.? den, i think that there is a limit and there is really no pt chasing it. every sem i have been working harder and harder but i know theres a limit, somewhen i cannot go too far out and i cannot afford to push myself any further.

and once again the issue of being labelled pops up. now that i have seen it, i tend to label ppl with that. its not good isnt it? but u cant help it. in such a competitive environment, that is what many ppl look at. once ppl know where u stand, they form perceptions of u. and many times it might not be true. but once again, cant help it eh.

last sem i felt was the closest i have gone, but too bad it wasnt close enough hahaha. its just not meant to be? and this sem is confirm nono. unless, of cos, that everyone's standard is gonna drop. as internal compeitition is approaching maximum.

ok now that i have typed those i feel its kinda insignificant to me haha. but its still something i think abt sometimes.