angry bird part I: friend X

i am not angry, i am not emo..

but.

i think i should be angry. sometimes i'm even angry for myself for not being angry. i seldom blame ppl/be angry over something, unless its really too huge a problem for me to ignore. i think thats part of kai him, and sometimes i think its pretty weird lol. not that i prefer being angry of cos.

this friend is X.

and X is a good friend to me, but the things X does sometimes really make me wonder how is it that someone with some intelligience could not really use the brain first being doing/saying things. its not only once, it has happened many times. and not only to me.

and like so many times alr, its still the same even though the problem had been presented to X b4. as in like i told X b4 of this issue that i aint particularly happy with, and X always ends up saying things like sorry i wun do it again. i promise and stuff.

but the thing is, it happens and happens again. our level of friendship, i would say, is not low and on the surface and i would really expect more from X.. i know X doesnt do it on purpose, but i think X oughts to do something abt this problem, or else its v hard for me to trust X.

and after everytime this kinda issue occured, i give X a chance, and i tell myself that X will know wad i mean and rmbr and be careful. friendship IS abt trust isnt it. but, more often than not, there will be things that X do that really gets me thinking why am i such a "fool" in believing in X when such things happen over and over again.

im not angry, i really am not, i think i should be. i guess im not angry becos the effect of wad X did is not big and im fine with sharing it w most ppl, but its not a matter of whether the issue is so important to me, its a matter of X kinda betraying my trust.

and most imptly, when X did that, and i was momentarily frustrated that i scolded X and X still asked me why i so fierce when X is the one in the wrong. and as it happened many times b4 alr, X did not know that X was wrong! wts. its like O.o its you who did this stupid thing and now u blame me for being "angry"? shit man.

im just frustrated i feel this friendship is not balanced. im frequently on the losing end of things but i nv get angry for long, its just me. i forgive and forget, and i trust, but i wonder why X still doesnt understand. seriously. please.

its a pity really. i just want X to realise wad is wrong, and really truely change.