the funniest part

is that one year ago im thinking that Z is the only friend that i made in uni.

then one year later i see some of the worse misunderstandings of me by 3 ppl, because of Z directly or indirectly.

and these handful of others, linked to Z, not giving me the easiest of times.

hah hah.

i truly wonder, is it you, or is it me.

popularity index

you know,

when you suddenly wanna do something, something that you really want,

the next step is to find someone to accompany you,

and the search is so difficult,

you never knew it was,

this is when,

reality strikes you and you know,

your popularity index is really not that good yaa?

girls

is it that im slower (as always) and it finally comes to the stage where we all hold our hands up and say: okay i really dont understand girls.

haha before this year or so i still think im pretty fine at understanding them, time only showed otherwise! hais.. i cant seem to find the best way to handle it.

decision making

Decision making is not always about making the right or wrong decision.

Sometimes it's just about making a decision.

stupid man

man, a stupid animal. 

we spend so much time thinking, caring about people who we care about, wishing that they would care about us as much as we do to them. we always try to engage them, talk to them but they always seem to be less interested. then we start to feel that we are irritating to them.

then when others show some care for us, we are scared. becos we dun care as much about them as they do for us. sometimes we think too much and then we restrict our reciprocation. and even think they start to get irritating at times we even wish they dun care so much for us.

we are just going nowhere.

art and aesthetics

well all along, for all reports, presentations and such, i have always believed that aesthetics form a very big and important role. The person marking these assignments or listening to this ppts surely have had to go through so so so many very similar content by the many students and thus they will be bored by the content and things like that. of cos, this isnt only about marks, all along in life and other aspects i've placed emphasis on aesthetical value. who doesnt love something that looks pretty and gentle on the eye?!

and so whenever possible, i'll try my best to make things standardised, look pretty etc. for example, i have specially designed 3 of the not so many ppt slides that my grps in NUS have used, and although they arent spectacular, i believe they are pretty good! at least pleasing (to me) ya. haha. well most of the time either the tutor gives a very general feedback or just says "well done" for the group, but nv really speaks of their view on the aesthetics that i worked hard on! hahahha.

today for lab ppt, karthiga was really nice to comment on this part of our ppt! and i think she kinda liked my cute little pictorial flowcharts and stuff and generally said that our slides were good (: that really made me feell soo happy! haha my group mates all gone crazy after hearing these positive comments cos we had been preparing quite a lot and we were thinking how she might kill us and ask hard questions or stuff liddat. lol. turns out she said she liked our ppt very much yayy.

no matter how much she really meant it or she was just trying to be nice to everyone, it still made a lot of difference. for the first time my emphasis on aesthetics were actually proven and acknowledged! thats great =D and i hope she meant it too. now i cant rmbr what she said exactly and maybe there wasnt much emphasis on my pictures, but the overall idea that she acknowledges the things in ppt slides that i always look out for is very heart warming.

i still find my picture very cute! hahaha.. beautiful things ought to be appreciated (: and shared.

ntj song

ntj ntj ntj

ntjjjjjjj

ntj ntj ntj ntj ntj

nnttjjj

nnnn

tttt 

jjjjj jj

if there was an ntj song, i would so sing it now. again and again.

why. why must u gimme ntj. its a torture.

group dynamics

its really difficult to manage group dynamics. esp when there is no one that is trying to, or no manager. everyone have their own styles and i guess they must be right to say that there are bound to be clashes while working tgt. members have different capabilities, different views, different priorities, different attitudes etc.

it is true that it is very hard to find a group of ppl that u can work with good productivity and a good experience. bounded very much by experiences (academic) w/in the schools, this is indeed relevant to me. last time in sec school/ jc it was still slightly better i guess. maybe with the higher level of tension and focus on grades in uni, things get a little worse.

in a group, i normally dun assume the leading role. i must keep myself in the loop, updated and understand the overall progress and direction of the team, but im not good at things like creativity in generating brand new ideas, or to push for deadlines and be strict abt it cos i dun have very high efficiency myself. i think i work best with ppl who all put in effort, and are able to communicate. some ppl say 遇强则强, but for me when there are other team mates who are "better" in the sense that they are more enthusiastic, are smarter/have better abilities (or act as if they do), i'd take a step back. when the team's rather cui, i'd step up more. its also important for me to enjoy the company of these people and not feel uncomfortable w em.

this is also likely due to the fact that i see being flexible and 随和 as very important qualities in a person. i dun like ppl who are too strong headed and always insist that they are right, or that their way is the best way of doing things. of cos, i certainly have times when i behave like this, but i think its fair to say that its not v frequent, and i do take other ppl's views into consideration always, unless im really strongly against it/ know that the other party is hundred per cent wrong for sure.

i know that in a group, ppl dun normally see me as a big asset, and there are many times i know im kind of under-contributing. and i dun like the feeling. im not a leech. but sometimes, i put human relations above work. under certain circumstances, the setting could be set in such a way that i cant possibly do too much without having little backfiring mechanisms acting against me here and there.

having a few recent experiences, i think that it is really important to manage group dynamics. in a group, everyone should be engaged and respected. of cos, respect is not a right, its a privilege. but however, i believe there should be effort to make sure ppl are not left out completely unless they really do not give a damn. in that case, giving them up could be more excusable. it is important for everyone to be in the loop and everyone knowing the progress, the overall picture. its so difficult to do it, though.

that said, a group can be built slowly over time and after time, ppl start to understand each other's working style much better and also, in building a team, there should be members possessing different qualities and expertise, and tgt they will make a great team. human relations are such interesting areas of research, and i really love observing and taking note of such stuffs. (and rmbring it for 10 years perhaps hahaha LTM ftw)

这几天你在那个城市天气一定晴朗 因为你就是个太阳

行医, lovely.

cant get enough of Phil & Claire or Phil & Luke

stop telling me things that i ntj.

you know, there is just some ppl that u just cannot stand it. and its getting worse. omt. zzzz. its not supposed to be like this, but the things you say leave me ntj. inside me i dun even bother replying or laughing. i hope it wasnt the case but it is. and its painful to see this happen. very different ideals, different frequencies. stop telling me these things which i dun wanna hear or have ntj, stop saying stuff that has no meaning, and, dont always impose ur own mindset onto others. leave some space, dont be too extreme. no one person is always correct. what u think is correct is not always correct. allow room for other ppl, other opinions etc.. please, its difficult to communicate u know, and its painful and sometimes irritating. and stop saying that u psm say. makes me wanna roll eyes.

dang, why am i so negative. haha i needa get some positivity back!

maybe your type just doesn't exist?

astrid, you said it.

70% girl, but i still dun understand 100% thems.

u know, ive been saying that im 70% girl for a few months alr, becos of the many ways i think i think/behave like a girl. but saying that, i still have to concede that im just a guy. and still a guy haha. and i still dun understand girls.

well, some time back i thought i did. or maybe i really do, but subconsciously i do not trust my instincts totally and feel that i might be wrong. thus eventually when my thoughts deviate from what i originally thought girls were thinking, i end up not understanding them.

there are many instances. and i shall not cover many of them now. just like to point out one. well sometimes i get a feeling that L is trying to distant herself as much away from me as possible. im guessing that she feels that i might be interested in her and she doesnt want to give me any false hopes or ideas. actually i just wanna know her better, dun really have other motives or what. if she keeps giving me this distance, i guess i should back off and not try to make things uncomfortable for her.

den again, some part of me has to decide when to give up trying. its a very difficult skill. if i stop now, den i think what might have been. if i keep going, things might end up ugly. if i ask ppl, they will tell me to go for it and i have nth to lose. or if u dun try u never know. yes thats true. but if she is pushing me away i should be more sensitive and not cause her more harm right? very difficult to understand girls. hahaha. maybe its because they dont believe that a guy can want to just be friends and know them better. or maybe guys really wont want that but im forcing myself to believe that? i dunno.

70% girl, but i dunno how a girl thinks. its likely because the 30% guy that i am allows me to be more thick-skinned and be able to take more initiative. for now, i think its a no.

buey gumm

and talking abt buey gum, it is really true that some ppl are just buey gum.

overheard three girls talking on the train on wednesday night, they were talking abt guys hahahaa. and others. one of them was talking about "emotional distance" and i tot that sounded quite right. some ppl just have emotional distance between them and its as though its impossible to bridge that gap!

of cos, sometimes it is bridged, and sometimes the gap forms or widens.

i am kind of like a very down-to-earth and a very people person. i like to ask about ppl and talk to them about more personal stuff. and with my LTM i rmbr a lot of stuff about my friends. well it looks like i make an effort to rmbr what they say, mayb i do sub consciously haha. thus i prefer mixing with ppl who are as real and sincere. budden, sometimes i joke a lot and say funny things, i was thinking maybe others think that im not so real becos i always say quite non-sensical stuff!! hahahah.. and when ppl dun ask me questions like i ask them, i dun really tell them abt my side of the story all the time.

thats why i enjoy talking to sincere people. u can feel that they care and they share.