phew mids are finally over. and whats next? relax and chill and play? NAH. oh pls. its back to tutorials and reports lol. go and go and go again. i have been putting more and more effort into my work sem after sem, but it seems like its nv enough! its like i can nv cover all the aspects. or do everything on time. but it still goes on and on. these two months could be qt stressful and packed, i foresee. and if i get that internship, i will have no break after exams as well! oh mians. and if i dun get it, i have to go look for another one, which is probably even more troublesome..
wahaha, probably i will really start looking fwd to SEP by next sem. weee! but being the sentimental emotional me, i would surely dread it as much as i love it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
ranking
you will never know how highly you were ranked in my heart.
while the foolish me finally sees how you have ranked me.
while the foolish me finally sees how you have ranked me.
weird exams
i find it a little puzzling.
why is it that as we go up the levels in NUS,
the content get harder and harder,
but the exams get easier and easier?
why is it that as we go up the levels in NUS,
the content get harder and harder,
but the exams get easier and easier?
haunted
im still haunted. and it pops up every here and there. then and when. its forever at the back of my mind. it will be a mystery how long i will take to remove this.
even during tests, it keeps popping up. yawns. its like the first time im being affected during tests or exams. from past exp, anything normally comes really once in a while or maybe the last paper, but these two days, nah.
its haunting me, pretty unhealthy mind ive got here.
its making me negative. generally, and towards the ppl. i dun like that, but i cant ctrl it.
when i say i love to emo,
i just realised that i love to emo a bit when im not emo, cos it reminds me of pain and reality, and gets me thinking, wandering.
but i dun like to emo at all, when im truly emo, when im haunted. its bad and its an automatic involuntary response for me to keep away from it, yet it ironically comes back automatically and beyond my ctrl.
even during tests, it keeps popping up. yawns. its like the first time im being affected during tests or exams. from past exp, anything normally comes really once in a while or maybe the last paper, but these two days, nah.
its haunting me, pretty unhealthy mind ive got here.
its making me negative. generally, and towards the ppl. i dun like that, but i cant ctrl it.
when i say i love to emo,
i just realised that i love to emo a bit when im not emo, cos it reminds me of pain and reality, and gets me thinking, wandering.
but i dun like to emo at all, when im truly emo, when im haunted. its bad and its an automatic involuntary response for me to keep away from it, yet it ironically comes back automatically and beyond my ctrl.
Friday, February 25, 2011
irony
isnt it such an irony. how much i was afraid to screw up the friendship but in the end, i am the one who chooses to move away from it.
i think i might never be able to accept it. the hurdle perhaps too tough for me to cross.
time will tell. it always does.
i think i might never be able to accept it. the hurdle perhaps too tough for me to cross.
time will tell. it always does.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
i should
spend more time here! i removed my tagboard becos there is way too much spam!
argh. i really donch like LAB REPORTSSS ahhhhhh. i feel so trapped and shag doing just a little bit of the lab report becos i really dunno whats going on and i dun feel comfortable at all. oh wells, i guess i will just yy do but i doubt the standard will be high. shit man. its 10 pages and lucky its 10 pages. so everything can be brief. sighhh. stresss ah. felt so sick just now im taking a break and continue tmr morning ba!
i dunno how this one week has gone past soooo fast! recess week is almost over and i have no recollection of how it flew past SO QUICKLY lol. its really time to up my gear mans. i forsee a tough week ahead and a difficult half sem more to go, with EG report and more lap reports looming........
argh. i really donch like LAB REPORTSSS ahhhhhh. i feel so trapped and shag doing just a little bit of the lab report becos i really dunno whats going on and i dun feel comfortable at all. oh wells, i guess i will just yy do but i doubt the standard will be high. shit man. its 10 pages and lucky its 10 pages. so everything can be brief. sighhh. stresss ah. felt so sick just now im taking a break and continue tmr morning ba!
i dunno how this one week has gone past soooo fast! recess week is almost over and i have no recollection of how it flew past SO QUICKLY lol. its really time to up my gear mans. i forsee a tough week ahead and a difficult half sem more to go, with EG report and more lap reports looming........
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
its great to feel appreciated.
it had always been my belief that its great to feel appreciated, and thus i like to tell ppl how i appreciate them. but sometimes its not easy, not everyone u can look at them and tell them such stuff, or even mention something remotely close to gratitude/admiration.
and now that i have a much higher frequency of being sarcastic/ despising in a jk manner, i think i have further drifted away from who i once was. i feel comfortable jk ard in such a manner and putting ppl down, expecting them to know that i dun mean it and im just jk. most ppl believe that if u dont curse and scold each other u cant be good friends eh? hahaha.
the thing is, i dun say it doesnt mean i dun think that way. just like i dun ask doesnt mean i dun care. somewhr in the back of my mind i still wanna be the person who is straightfwd and say and do what i truly mean only, but i guess its almost impossible to attain that. my behaviour has changed. its just me now.
but once in a while, i must rmbr to tell ppl stuff i truly feel. and if u have something to tell me, do so. cos u are not a mind-reader, just like im not.
i wanna feel appreciated too (:
this links back to the prev entry too. abt connections. reciprocating verbally/physically might be the way to prove that they are real and two-way. shld be.
and now that i have a much higher frequency of being sarcastic/ despising in a jk manner, i think i have further drifted away from who i once was. i feel comfortable jk ard in such a manner and putting ppl down, expecting them to know that i dun mean it and im just jk. most ppl believe that if u dont curse and scold each other u cant be good friends eh? hahaha.
the thing is, i dun say it doesnt mean i dun think that way. just like i dun ask doesnt mean i dun care. somewhr in the back of my mind i still wanna be the person who is straightfwd and say and do what i truly mean only, but i guess its almost impossible to attain that. my behaviour has changed. its just me now.
but once in a while, i must rmbr to tell ppl stuff i truly feel. and if u have something to tell me, do so. cos u are not a mind-reader, just like im not.
i wanna feel appreciated too (:
this links back to the prev entry too. abt connections. reciprocating verbally/physically might be the way to prove that they are real and two-way. shld be.
Friday, January 14, 2011
connection
previously, some time ago, i had been thinking abt this issue.
Do connections lie?
when u feel a connection with someone when u look them in the eye. can that be false? can it be wrong?
when u can sense the person reciprocating through that eye contact. can it be a misread?
i hope not. connections are supposed to be a two way thing, a double arrow.
Do connections lie?
when u feel a connection with someone when u look them in the eye. can that be false? can it be wrong?
when u can sense the person reciprocating through that eye contact. can it be a misread?
i hope not. connections are supposed to be a two way thing, a double arrow.
the best thing in life.
united winning the EPL + League Cup + FA Cup + Champions League - I would go crazy and laugh till im mad.
getting CAP 5.0 this sem with 7 modules - I would be so happy I would cry. and treat everyone.
watching a ulti funny episode of Big Bang Theory - I would laugh non-stop beyond that 20 minutes, even the next day when i think abt it again.
but seriously, the best thing in life, as i reaffirmed my belief, is to have ppl ard you.
not just anyone. but ppl who u feel happy with, ppl who u meet defenseless. they are perhaps the most impt ppl in your life! when u can meet them without having an invisible wall separating u guys. without having to think what u gonna talk about. when u can talk to them about not anything, but every topic of no substance and content at all.
that, is the best thing in my life.
getting CAP 5.0 this sem with 7 modules - I would be so happy I would cry. and treat everyone.
watching a ulti funny episode of Big Bang Theory - I would laugh non-stop beyond that 20 minutes, even the next day when i think abt it again.
but seriously, the best thing in life, as i reaffirmed my belief, is to have ppl ard you.
not just anyone. but ppl who u feel happy with, ppl who u meet defenseless. they are perhaps the most impt ppl in your life! when u can meet them without having an invisible wall separating u guys. without having to think what u gonna talk about. when u can talk to them about not anything, but every topic of no substance and content at all.
that, is the best thing in my life.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
will it be okay?
i got a feeling this blog is gonna be more active now that sch has started, and that i have 7 modules and bound to feel stresssed ttm and emo at some pt of time. haha.
today erm some cxw has been going on. haha credits to the cxw-ers their skills are pretty good i have to admit. but one thing more impt is that it got me thinking. not abt the cxw thingy but actually that if something like this happens, will i be able to go through it?
will it be weird, will i put the past all behind me? hmm. i have to think abt this i guess. at this stage it is going to feel a bit weird/awkward but i have to move on completely sooner or later. just this link. i ponder. haha interesting to consider such cases. altho not a big deal, but these things do matter to me.
and in anticipation of these cxw-ers who might read my blog, NO THIS IS NOT THAT U ARE THINKING ABT. its something else. a more relevant and real issue.
today erm some cxw has been going on. haha credits to the cxw-ers their skills are pretty good i have to admit. but one thing more impt is that it got me thinking. not abt the cxw thingy but actually that if something like this happens, will i be able to go through it?
will it be weird, will i put the past all behind me? hmm. i have to think abt this i guess. at this stage it is going to feel a bit weird/awkward but i have to move on completely sooner or later. just this link. i ponder. haha interesting to consider such cases. altho not a big deal, but these things do matter to me.
and in anticipation of these cxw-ers who might read my blog, NO THIS IS NOT THAT U ARE THINKING ABT. its something else. a more relevant and real issue.
Monday, January 10, 2011
crazy?
haha i think i might have gone crazy here. taking 7 modules, 25 mcs this sem! i seriously dunno if i can make it, feels like uber tough and stressed sia. if i am gonna make it, i think i have to make like twice the effort of a normal semester. haha.
i hope i survive! this might be the experience i need lol. the torture, mental and physical. the test of will and positivity. will i make it?
there is still time to drop hmmm. but its like now or never. and better to suffer with someone else than to do it alone.
i like the feeling of this challenge, i just am not confident i will stay as positive throughout, its gonna be a long long dark semester..
i hope i survive! this might be the experience i need lol. the torture, mental and physical. the test of will and positivity. will i make it?
there is still time to drop hmmm. but its like now or never. and better to suffer with someone else than to do it alone.
i like the feeling of this challenge, i just am not confident i will stay as positive throughout, its gonna be a long long dark semester..
Saturday, January 8, 2011
i feel a little down,
that school is starting, two days time.
i start to revisit some feelings, emotions.
i feel lonely, alone i am. i yearn for company, i like to be amongst others. to be part of them. for them to be part of me. sometimes i feel nobody cares for me. that im on my own. im like a child, a lost teen. i wish for attention, to be liked, to be popular, somewhat.
but later on, i start to dislike the energy and crowd. i want to be alone. peaceful. i see the bad the evil the disagreements the differences. and i prefer to be on my own.
it goes on and on and on..
i start to revisit some feelings, emotions.
i feel lonely, alone i am. i yearn for company, i like to be amongst others. to be part of them. for them to be part of me. sometimes i feel nobody cares for me. that im on my own. im like a child, a lost teen. i wish for attention, to be liked, to be popular, somewhat.
but later on, i start to dislike the energy and crowd. i want to be alone. peaceful. i see the bad the evil the disagreements the differences. and i prefer to be on my own.
it goes on and on and on..
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